A walk in an Unknown land

There is something about the new cities
The hot sun in that city hits me in a different way
Its just a vibe.
The sky is little more brighter than usual
I walk to through unknown roads
I’m a stranger to those people,
I dont know them,
Is that not what we all like it ?
Being anonymous in a unknown city
I glance through goggle maps
looking for old cafes
I’m not going to get drunk to forget that harsh voice in my head
I’m gonna stare at that sky tonight
To listen to the stories of that unknown land.

From Unknown land,

Love,

Aparna.

Happy Puppy.

As the sky became dark
in a distant place i can hear that exquisite voice of birds,
In the time we are caged,
we hold on to humans next to us
the tables have turned
Its more of Frank sinatra and Bob dylan now
we dont go on parites,
we dont trip
or probably we trip over the silence.
And thats how we made peace within four walls.

Love,

Aparna.

Drift apart in the fire .

I was covered in hazmat suit
for I thought I was not ready for the contagious love of yours.
I was ready to not breathe around you
but then you choose to kill me,
You entered through the smallest hole possible,
You poisoned me with your comfort
You knew we would drift apart in the fire
beause you never intended to stay within me.
you had to leave me struggling
beacuse you were never meant to be the cure for me.
And I’m covered in hazmat suit
but this time I’m pushing up diasies.

Love,

Aparna.

Postman

I will write letters to the mars
I’m living to see you live
I realised I never belonged to the house,
the house that existed within myself,
May be my ghost will live there,
Even after i die i will still write letters to you
that cries out stories of my short lived happiness.
that breaks stories of my body screeming and becoming void.
if the postman ever reads my letters
He would knew how I was lookikg for you in the place where there was no human existence.

From,

Aparna.

Being independent

One late night, February – 2020

I’m holding my breath under this water for so long,
I’m trying to cut open my ribcage and fit everything that comes my way
to show you all I’m happy
to get certified that I’m normal
to take a chance to smile
like this disaster has become a part of me now
I no longer know how to be dependent,
now I’m falling in this endless loop of empytiness in my heart,
it feels heavy,
exhausting even the little amount of love that is left in me,
but certainly in the end i know i have to dependent

Is not why we all have each other !?

It’s been a while that this thought was bothering me. We talk about patriarchy, feminism, gender bias etc. After all the struggle over the years we have reached to the understanding that independence and being independent is important, especially if you are a women. Well, I’m not gonna talk about feminism or women empowerment. Im given to understand that being independent is being able to continue with your life with or without your family, friends or anybody for that matter.

As we progress towards achieving this understanding we all fail to appreciate the times when we have everything and everybody around us. We chose to neglect them because we are expected to be independent. I feel being independent is a vague thought process that lets you accept the fact it is okay to ingnore the love that comes your way.

Welcome 2020

Aren’t we all excited about new year and new resolutions. First of all Happy New year to you all. I feel we all are lucky enough to be safe and sound in this new year admist lot of conflicts and tragedies.

I honestly don’t know what 2020 has got for me. But I feel happy to bid good-bye for 2019.

I’m thankful that I have you all to support me constantly. This blog has taught me so much,
I’m thankful 2k19 has made be nothing but a more stronger person,
I’m thankful that I have learnt to prioritise myself.

I hope 2020 will be a year of wonders and happiness for all of us. In the time we spend virtually I hope we don’t fail to appreciate a person helping us with our daily life. A gently smile might make wonders.

Wouldn’t life be nothing if it’s not for other why we live ? Let’s show some kindness ❤️

From,

Aparna.

SELF LOVE !?!?!

It’s been a long that I wrote something positive. And here it goes…

I’m given to understand that we are in time where problems faced by the 12 year old is called depression and anxiety. I guess it is too early for them to called “patients”.

Let me remind you all about this overrated self love concept. It’s not something that have to be accquired, its something we have been blessed with or rather its something that is indivisible from us. And we are choosing to ignore it. After all, ignorace had been man’s excuse in the god’s palace”from time immemorial.

And guess with every struggle and losses, we are moving towards what is in the destiny to face. Every scar with enough care has a pontential to grow into a beautiful flower.

COUNTRY ROAD

After such a long time. It’s today that I had some time for myself. And I ended up writing this.

It’s that numb feeling again
I don’t want to go home
or i dont have a home.
I want to escape before the sunrises,
To the places unknown.
with a lose baggy shirts and trousers
with my headphones playing “best day of my life”.
May be I know I wouldn’t have a hand to hold.
But what I know is, I have that spirit in my heart to go through it all.

2:43 am.

It’s 2:34 am. Like a night owl, wide awake.
A lot has been happening lately and what im doing about it is a question I dont have an answer for.
But it kept me thinking for a while now.
And its good to feel that you find love between laughter and tears.
It took so much of a courage to undress my emotions and vulnerabilities to somebody. And it has become my pride now.
In places where thoughts are about forevers and magics,
And touch of sophistication being the centre of attraction,
Here I’m looking at the stars with a kind of hope that the world can’t handle.
I have miles to go before I sleep.
At the end of the day whatever I do, atleast I’m trying.
I wake up from a vaguely remembered dreams I still know I’ll make it to the end. And how is the question I still dont have an answer for.

CRY

I’m learning how to be quiet.
Like the way i stand in the middle of the road drenched in rain thinking about life,
the way I stand infront of the street that has no way forward,
the way i stood infront of a man today who asked me if I’m doing okay,
the way i stood infront of you when i believed you loved me,
if I were a voice
I’d would be a painful one
the one that was never taught to cry out loud.

Thanks for reading so far.

Aparna